As I lay me down to sleep
I pray I will not awake to me.
My self pity, self loathing, and self defeat
that I carry in my mind
as I lay my head back onto my pillow again.
Don't know if I can face today
when so much heartache still remains
from past hurts, fears and failures.
Cant shake this knowing feeling
of dreading what awaits my day.
My head is thick with worry and
when I lay me down I feel a soft
haze of security.
Laying as if dead to the world,
maybe its better off without me in it.
my head is getting clearer now,
as a rush of hope plunges through
my very being.
Get up and show up,
this is my life.
I have the pen and the paper is blank.
Time to start this day
and when I make a mistake,
I can always erase and
start again.
With the dawn of another day.
by: Kristin McLeod
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Jesus Cares
The hurtful things they say
that tear at the heart,
I feel for you.
The pain deep inside your heart.
They may laugh and tear you down
don't feel alone,
my heart is yours and to you it will always be bound....
This hurt won't last forever,
The day is about to break,
Hold onto to me
When you feel like there is nothing more that you can take.
Lift up your face, don't hide in shame
I've already been there, I'll ease your pain
Your brokenness is beautiful to me
I am completing the work in you from now
until eternity.
When you feel all hope is lost, and your sinking under,
just look to the cross.
Soon you will see why this had to happen,
I know you have counted the cost.
Cling to me and I will be your all,
I will carry you through,
Abide in me, I will never allow you to fall.
Hold on one more day, the clouds are going to break,
I will mend the pieces of your heart.
I am here to stay.
By: Kristin McLeod
that tear at the heart,
I feel for you.
The pain deep inside your heart.
They may laugh and tear you down
don't feel alone,
my heart is yours and to you it will always be bound....
This hurt won't last forever,
The day is about to break,
Hold onto to me
When you feel like there is nothing more that you can take.
Lift up your face, don't hide in shame
I've already been there, I'll ease your pain
Your brokenness is beautiful to me
I am completing the work in you from now
until eternity.
When you feel all hope is lost, and your sinking under,
just look to the cross.
Soon you will see why this had to happen,
I know you have counted the cost.
Cling to me and I will be your all,
I will carry you through,
Abide in me, I will never allow you to fall.
Hold on one more day, the clouds are going to break,
I will mend the pieces of your heart.
I am here to stay.
By: Kristin McLeod
Choose Life
Choose your words wisely; youll find that its true
that the measure in which you speak will be measured back to you.
You say that words dont hurt that they have missed their target;
Well they stick to my soul and once they are saved to my memory
...
that the measure in which you speak will be measured back to you.
You say that words dont hurt that they have missed their target;
Well they stick to my soul and once they are saved to my memory
...
its hard to erase them.
Words can bring grace to its hearers or make quite a mess;
but when you speak with humility and gentleness you will find
that I will in return start to bless.
Bless with your tongue, clean and muddy waters cannot flow from the same spring;
Never stop speaking good to those that you love;
and even those who cannot return the love that you bring.
Dont let words limit your potential or slow down your stride;
Because in and through Christ you will find;
that you will soar on eagles wings if in Him you abide.
By: Kristin McLeod
Words can bring grace to its hearers or make quite a mess;
but when you speak with humility and gentleness you will find
that I will in return start to bless.
Bless with your tongue, clean and muddy waters cannot flow from the same spring;
Never stop speaking good to those that you love;
and even those who cannot return the love that you bring.
Dont let words limit your potential or slow down your stride;
Because in and through Christ you will find;
that you will soar on eagles wings if in Him you abide.
By: Kristin McLeod
Turn the Other Cheek
I got saved as a young person at the ripe age of 10 years old. No one led me in the sinners prayer, I just heard it from Christians and church so much that I knew what to pray. I prayed the prayer in my heart and mind that afternoon at my Christian Aunt's house because I was deeply hungry for God’s love. After I said the prayer I was changed and I ...felt real peace within for the first time in my life!
As I became a adolescent being the new girl at school wasn’t as easy as when I was little. You see, my family moved around North Bay a lot, and I have probably been to almost every school in North Bay at some point in time. When I was in elementary school you were that weird new kid and everyone wanted to play with you at recess... you were the “it girl” for that day or even week!
Then came grade 7 and 8. I was the new girl in grade 8 and in the middle of the year this time!! I met a large group of “popular” girls at this junior high that consisted of every girl except for one besides me that was on the outside, her name was Emily (can’t remember her real name).
Instantly I bonded with Emily because she was nice and I was actually assigned seating next to her. Little did I know that the seat was empty next to her for a reason!
My first day at this junior high I was swarmed and greeted by a huddle of pretty and fashionable girls. They even invited me to sit with them at lunch for a week trial. I thought it was nice of them at first.
The leader and other girls of the group knew I didn’t fit in right away. I guess I was a lot different. I was strong willed and wasn’t a follower at all.
For one thing they must have noticed in the bathroom when it was make- up time. As they coated on their foundation and liquid eyeliner, I wore no make up. So, I spent that time in front of the mirror playing with my eyelids and eyebrows as they got dolled up for what seemed like hours.
Also, the way I dressed stood out too. They wore what was in at the time, which was bell- bottoms and I wore straight legged cords. Not only were they cords, I only had two different colours which didn’t fly either because they had a “no wearing any article of clothing back to back” rule.
So, after that first week you can guess they ditched me and wouldn’t let me sit at their lunch table anymore. I wish I could chalk it up and say that it didn’t affect me and that I became good friends with Emily, but that wouldn’t be true.
It really bugged me at first. I spent lunch and recess in the bathroom stall sometimes, crying. Then something happened to make things harder on me. The most popular guy in school asked me out over the weekend. You see this was the guy that the leader of the girls has a crush on. Even though I turned him down, she was upset and that is when the pranks started.
From that point on the girls made my life miserable. But I did befriend Emily and she was so nice. Apparently, Emily used to be part of the popular group but got shunned because she dated the same guy that asked me out at some point that same year.
I don't know why they didn't like me, but it really doesn't matter to me anymore. I grew up and don't internalize rejection anymore. Maybe I was just being persecuted for being different. By the way, after I turned that guy down, he hated me too and all his friends made my life even harder.
I wanted to be home schooled after grade 9 because in high school the bullying just got worse. Thankfully my Mom agreed to Home-school me, and in that time I spent a lot of time with God everyday and He showed me this: that people will always hurt us and let us down. God won't. He is perfect and His love is perfect. He showed me in those times with Him that He loved me and accepted me just as I was. That He chose the outcasts, the oppressed and the lonely in the world and made them His own!! I don't know where I would be without Jesus.
I wish I could say it all got better when I was Home-schooled and went to youth group. It didn't. My sisters and I endured a lot. We would get unwanted attention from guys and this would make the girls in the group jealous. The girls would ignore us, gossip about us, and ultimately try to make it so bad for us that they hoped we wouldn't come back. But we had each other and Jesus had our back!
Be kind to everybody. If someone is all alone sit with them and talk to them. If you see bullying happen, don’t enable it by saying nothing, that is just as bad as being the bully. Stop it dead in it’s tracks. Don’t be a bystander. Do unto others as you would have done unto you- Matt 7: 12. You can make a difference to someone else and affect their lives for Christ!
By: Kristin McLeod
In loving memory of Amanda Todd xo
As I became a adolescent being the new girl at school wasn’t as easy as when I was little. You see, my family moved around North Bay a lot, and I have probably been to almost every school in North Bay at some point in time. When I was in elementary school you were that weird new kid and everyone wanted to play with you at recess... you were the “it girl” for that day or even week!
Then came grade 7 and 8. I was the new girl in grade 8 and in the middle of the year this time!! I met a large group of “popular” girls at this junior high that consisted of every girl except for one besides me that was on the outside, her name was Emily (can’t remember her real name).
Instantly I bonded with Emily because she was nice and I was actually assigned seating next to her. Little did I know that the seat was empty next to her for a reason!
My first day at this junior high I was swarmed and greeted by a huddle of pretty and fashionable girls. They even invited me to sit with them at lunch for a week trial. I thought it was nice of them at first.
The leader and other girls of the group knew I didn’t fit in right away. I guess I was a lot different. I was strong willed and wasn’t a follower at all.
For one thing they must have noticed in the bathroom when it was make- up time. As they coated on their foundation and liquid eyeliner, I wore no make up. So, I spent that time in front of the mirror playing with my eyelids and eyebrows as they got dolled up for what seemed like hours.
Also, the way I dressed stood out too. They wore what was in at the time, which was bell- bottoms and I wore straight legged cords. Not only were they cords, I only had two different colours which didn’t fly either because they had a “no wearing any article of clothing back to back” rule.
So, after that first week you can guess they ditched me and wouldn’t let me sit at their lunch table anymore. I wish I could chalk it up and say that it didn’t affect me and that I became good friends with Emily, but that wouldn’t be true.
It really bugged me at first. I spent lunch and recess in the bathroom stall sometimes, crying. Then something happened to make things harder on me. The most popular guy in school asked me out over the weekend. You see this was the guy that the leader of the girls has a crush on. Even though I turned him down, she was upset and that is when the pranks started.
From that point on the girls made my life miserable. But I did befriend Emily and she was so nice. Apparently, Emily used to be part of the popular group but got shunned because she dated the same guy that asked me out at some point that same year.
I don't know why they didn't like me, but it really doesn't matter to me anymore. I grew up and don't internalize rejection anymore. Maybe I was just being persecuted for being different. By the way, after I turned that guy down, he hated me too and all his friends made my life even harder.
I wanted to be home schooled after grade 9 because in high school the bullying just got worse. Thankfully my Mom agreed to Home-school me, and in that time I spent a lot of time with God everyday and He showed me this: that people will always hurt us and let us down. God won't. He is perfect and His love is perfect. He showed me in those times with Him that He loved me and accepted me just as I was. That He chose the outcasts, the oppressed and the lonely in the world and made them His own!! I don't know where I would be without Jesus.
I wish I could say it all got better when I was Home-schooled and went to youth group. It didn't. My sisters and I endured a lot. We would get unwanted attention from guys and this would make the girls in the group jealous. The girls would ignore us, gossip about us, and ultimately try to make it so bad for us that they hoped we wouldn't come back. But we had each other and Jesus had our back!
Be kind to everybody. If someone is all alone sit with them and talk to them. If you see bullying happen, don’t enable it by saying nothing, that is just as bad as being the bully. Stop it dead in it’s tracks. Don’t be a bystander. Do unto others as you would have done unto you- Matt 7: 12. You can make a difference to someone else and affect their lives for Christ!
By: Kristin McLeod
In loving memory of Amanda Todd xo
Hope
My Version of “Pilgrims Progress” called Hope is never Disappointed.
Purity and Faithful set out on their pilgrimage to the Celestial City leaving behind the land of Broken Dreams and Shattered hearts.
As they began along the way their hearts were filled with joy at their new commitment to be obedient to trust God to be their everything.
As they set out with the precious book that had been given them at the cross (the entrance to the way), every time they read it they were filled with restored hope.
On the way Purity and Faithful saw two other young and beautiful girls climb over two large fences on either side of the way.
The first girls name was Compromise and the second, Whiny.
Purity was overjoyed that she and faithful had two more to join them to wait for the Lord on their journey on the narrow way.
Purity- Join us!
Faithful wasn`t sure but welcomed them with all her heart.
Compromise introduced herself and began to speak.
Compromise- Whiny and I are so happy to be on our way to the celestial city and if the Lord sees fit we will meet a Godly Husband who will pray with us, who will help us up when we slip and remind us of the celestial city and where we are going.
Whiny- hum, only, that is, if the Lord of the way chooses us to Wed. If not, we are content to walk alone.
Faithful- we are never alone on this journey, we have the Lord of the way, although we cannot see Him. He will help us.
Soon all four young women approached a steep hill called the Hill of Loneliness and Difficulty.
As Compromise and Whiny began the climb upward, doubt immediately began to set in.
Whiny- Things were a lot easier before in the past and I had strong, young men to put their arm around me and compliment me to make me feel secure.
Compromise took two more exhausting steps upward and onward.
Compromise- Very true »Whiny, the Lord of the way is silent.
Purity- That`s where our faith comes in. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe. It is not the character of the Lord of the way to leave us or forsake us. Just hold on and wait and see when we get over this hill.
Faithful and Purity pressed on.
Before they got to the top of the hill two striking young men, each holding a book in their hands that was similar to the ladies book (but Faithful and Purity knew better). The men came to meet Compromise and Whiny with their hands extended. They introduced themselves as Brag-a lot and Lusty Eyes.
Compromise- these young lads are our answer!
Whiny perked up at the sight of them and a grin formed across her face.
Lacking discernment Whiny said- Look here, they hold the same book and are on the same path.
Purity- didn`t you notice that they did not come from the same way we came, but are going backwards.
Pish posh said Whiny and she and Compromise reached out and took the gentlemen’s hands.
As they began to leave Compromise looked back and said sheepishly,... `your just jealous`.
Faithful pleaded with them- please don`t go. God has so many promises for you that you have yet to see. They are all written in this book if you just live by it.
Faithful spoke to no avail. Compromise and Whiny had already made up their minds, as they linked arms with the strangers and went down the easier side of the hill.
Faithful began to lose heart too, but Purity encouraged her.
Purity- Only a couple more steps on our hands and knees.
Faithful and Purity finally made it over the hill of loneliness and difficulty to be greeted at a large white palace filled with men and women who had made and kept their vows to wait on the Lord.
There the two weary young women refreshed themselves with honey and manna cakes and rested.
At the palace door they had met two stunning young ladies. Their names were Chastity and Virtue.
Virtue poured them a glass of water.
Virtue- So glad you have kept the faith and kept your vows to the Lord of the way.
Chastity seemed sad- were there not four of you.
Faithful- Yes. Is all she got out as she began to sob.
Purity spoke for the two of them- our hearts are greatly pained. The other two whose names were Compromise and Whiny began to doubt the Lord of the way`s promise He made personally to them. They both then left the hill of difficulty with two young and strange men.
How terrible! Chastity said with warning in her voice.
Chastity- Surely these were not young men of the Lord`s way but were sent by the evil task- master who sends wolves in sheeps clothing to devour unsuspecting young women of the Right way.
Faithful- If they could only see in faith this place and what awaited them. Faithful chocked out the words.
That night the group of young Valiant men who had fought the good fight and overcame the Tempter regaled the women with stories of the way and encouraged them all to stay pure.
That night Faithful and a fine young man named Courageous were married. And so was Purity to a strapping man named Perseverance.
The next day the couples would set out on their journey together. Heart in heart and hand in hand heading towards the Celestial City.
This version written by: Kristin McLeod
As they began along the way their hearts were filled with joy at their new commitment to be obedient to trust God to be their everything.
As they set out with the precious book that had been given them at the cross (the entrance to the way), every time they read it they were filled with restored hope.
On the way Purity and Faithful saw two other young and beautiful girls climb over two large fences on either side of the way.
The first girls name was Compromise and the second, Whiny.
Purity was overjoyed that she and faithful had two more to join them to wait for the Lord on their journey on the narrow way.
Purity- Join us!
Faithful wasn`t sure but welcomed them with all her heart.
Compromise introduced herself and began to speak.
Compromise- Whiny and I are so happy to be on our way to the celestial city and if the Lord sees fit we will meet a Godly Husband who will pray with us, who will help us up when we slip and remind us of the celestial city and where we are going.
Whiny- hum, only, that is, if the Lord of the way chooses us to Wed. If not, we are content to walk alone.
Faithful- we are never alone on this journey, we have the Lord of the way, although we cannot see Him. He will help us.
Soon all four young women approached a steep hill called the Hill of Loneliness and Difficulty.
As Compromise and Whiny began the climb upward, doubt immediately began to set in.
Whiny- Things were a lot easier before in the past and I had strong, young men to put their arm around me and compliment me to make me feel secure.
Compromise took two more exhausting steps upward and onward.
Compromise- Very true »Whiny, the Lord of the way is silent.
Purity- That`s where our faith comes in. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe. It is not the character of the Lord of the way to leave us or forsake us. Just hold on and wait and see when we get over this hill.
Faithful and Purity pressed on.
Before they got to the top of the hill two striking young men, each holding a book in their hands that was similar to the ladies book (but Faithful and Purity knew better). The men came to meet Compromise and Whiny with their hands extended. They introduced themselves as Brag-a lot and Lusty Eyes.
Compromise- these young lads are our answer!
Whiny perked up at the sight of them and a grin formed across her face.
Lacking discernment Whiny said- Look here, they hold the same book and are on the same path.
Purity- didn`t you notice that they did not come from the same way we came, but are going backwards.
Pish posh said Whiny and she and Compromise reached out and took the gentlemen’s hands.
As they began to leave Compromise looked back and said sheepishly,... `your just jealous`.
Faithful pleaded with them- please don`t go. God has so many promises for you that you have yet to see. They are all written in this book if you just live by it.
Faithful spoke to no avail. Compromise and Whiny had already made up their minds, as they linked arms with the strangers and went down the easier side of the hill.
Faithful began to lose heart too, but Purity encouraged her.
Purity- Only a couple more steps on our hands and knees.
Faithful and Purity finally made it over the hill of loneliness and difficulty to be greeted at a large white palace filled with men and women who had made and kept their vows to wait on the Lord.
There the two weary young women refreshed themselves with honey and manna cakes and rested.
At the palace door they had met two stunning young ladies. Their names were Chastity and Virtue.
Virtue poured them a glass of water.
Virtue- So glad you have kept the faith and kept your vows to the Lord of the way.
Chastity seemed sad- were there not four of you.
Faithful- Yes. Is all she got out as she began to sob.
Purity spoke for the two of them- our hearts are greatly pained. The other two whose names were Compromise and Whiny began to doubt the Lord of the way`s promise He made personally to them. They both then left the hill of difficulty with two young and strange men.
How terrible! Chastity said with warning in her voice.
Chastity- Surely these were not young men of the Lord`s way but were sent by the evil task- master who sends wolves in sheeps clothing to devour unsuspecting young women of the Right way.
Faithful- If they could only see in faith this place and what awaited them. Faithful chocked out the words.
That night the group of young Valiant men who had fought the good fight and overcame the Tempter regaled the women with stories of the way and encouraged them all to stay pure.
That night Faithful and a fine young man named Courageous were married. And so was Purity to a strapping man named Perseverance.
The next day the couples would set out on their journey together. Heart in heart and hand in hand heading towards the Celestial City.
This version written by: Kristin McLeod
Need
Nothing could tear us apart,
oh save me from myself.
When I don't feel you,
My faith is kindled
and growing strong.
This fire is building up...
inside of me,
Waiting to spill out over the earth.
People broken, wounded, hiding,
underneath their facade.
Self reliance is what cripples,
and the voice that lies to us.
We need God, we want God,
but don't know it yet.
When will we learn, what do we
need to prick us?
Out of this state of complacency?
I had a taste a bite of your love,
Your presence absorbs my soul,
till I am ruined for ordinary things.
Strip me of vanity and pride,
of hindered prayers and wishful thinking.
Of a heart that wanders and drifts,
from the only One who can fill it.
GOD we need you, we want you,
when will we learn?
oh save me from myself.
When I don't feel you,
My faith is kindled
and growing strong.
This fire is building up...
inside of me,
Waiting to spill out over the earth.
People broken, wounded, hiding,
underneath their facade.
Self reliance is what cripples,
and the voice that lies to us.
We need God, we want God,
but don't know it yet.
When will we learn, what do we
need to prick us?
Out of this state of complacency?
I had a taste a bite of your love,
Your presence absorbs my soul,
till I am ruined for ordinary things.
Strip me of vanity and pride,
of hindered prayers and wishful thinking.
Of a heart that wanders and drifts,
from the only One who can fill it.
GOD we need you, we want you,
when will we learn?
Wholly Broken
Please dont pity me. Im everything I want to be.
I learnt this through adversity. Dont pity me.
You thought I had my last cry, my last breath, my last stand,
But I am on the Rock of Christ and everything else is sinking sand.
...
I learnt this through adversity. Dont pity me.
You thought I had my last cry, my last breath, my last stand,
But I am on the Rock of Christ and everything else is sinking sand.
...
Im not insecure, needy or hopeless, I have been encompassed,
by truth, virtue and my heart is being molded,
In Gods very hands.
You may think that I am a bird in a gilded cage,
that my wings have been cut.
But I am telling you that God is the shearer and His blade
opens up the vein of freedom and courage.
Let Him cut, let Him prick my calloused heart,
till all the bitterness and regret wont stay, wont stick.
It may hurt for a time, when He shreds away my pride,
but His living waters bubble inside.
Waters so thick, turning red hot till all the dross melts out.
The sticky sin stains erode, they drip, drip, drip into the fire.
Broken but beautiful, the same and regret is removed.
Only grace is what lingers on the surface of the rim.
Now my cup runneth over, with mercy, justice and truth.
Washed white as snow, now that He told my sin to go.
Go until I meet it again and I become immune to the clear,
clean flow of His righteousness.
His dark, crimson stains cover my shame, my failures,
I was the only one to blame.
Jesus lived a perfect life, so I dont, cant wont...
have to measure up to the standards of the law
that is never enough.
Immersed in His crimson cleansing flow, my sin must go.
My hands are gripping tightly to the darkness
that binds me.
He whispers in my ear that i can truly be set free.
If I let go I can be all that He created me to be.
I look down at my clutched fists holding onto the mire
and dirt until I fix my stare on Him who defeated my foe.
VICTORY, sweet VICTORY is what the Creator promised to me.
So, I loosen my grasp, lift up my life and my hands,
until a thick agape love fills my heart and
tells me to get up off my face.
He tells me to stand.
So I stand and take His hand until I fall and slip,
But I know deep within that He nor I will ever loosen our grip.
Ive gripped onto grace, now I see His face.
So I never give up, give in, or lay down.
With Him and through Him I know;
Ill reach the finish line,
and humbly lay down my crowns.
Written August. 8, 2014.
by truth, virtue and my heart is being molded,
In Gods very hands.
You may think that I am a bird in a gilded cage,
that my wings have been cut.
But I am telling you that God is the shearer and His blade
opens up the vein of freedom and courage.
Let Him cut, let Him prick my calloused heart,
till all the bitterness and regret wont stay, wont stick.
It may hurt for a time, when He shreds away my pride,
but His living waters bubble inside.
Waters so thick, turning red hot till all the dross melts out.
The sticky sin stains erode, they drip, drip, drip into the fire.
Broken but beautiful, the same and regret is removed.
Only grace is what lingers on the surface of the rim.
Now my cup runneth over, with mercy, justice and truth.
Washed white as snow, now that He told my sin to go.
Go until I meet it again and I become immune to the clear,
clean flow of His righteousness.
His dark, crimson stains cover my shame, my failures,
I was the only one to blame.
Jesus lived a perfect life, so I dont, cant wont...
have to measure up to the standards of the law
that is never enough.
Immersed in His crimson cleansing flow, my sin must go.
My hands are gripping tightly to the darkness
that binds me.
He whispers in my ear that i can truly be set free.
If I let go I can be all that He created me to be.
I look down at my clutched fists holding onto the mire
and dirt until I fix my stare on Him who defeated my foe.
VICTORY, sweet VICTORY is what the Creator promised to me.
So, I loosen my grasp, lift up my life and my hands,
until a thick agape love fills my heart and
tells me to get up off my face.
He tells me to stand.
So I stand and take His hand until I fall and slip,
But I know deep within that He nor I will ever loosen our grip.
Ive gripped onto grace, now I see His face.
So I never give up, give in, or lay down.
With Him and through Him I know;
Ill reach the finish line,
and humbly lay down my crowns.
Written August. 8, 2014.
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